The Shinon Chronicles
by Aquatic-Idealist
Summary: They've made the Shinon Mercenaries, now what?
1. Too Much Work

The Shinon Chronicles  


**Author's note**: Since the completion of Whims of Fate, the author has realized that he is, in essence, a major Fire Emblem fanboy. Thus, he realized that, in order to lighten up his mood, it would be a good idea to write a humor fic regarding Fire Emblem, since his current Dynasty Warriors and Golden Sun fics are meant to be depressing (as of this writing), so, therefore, he hereby presents the **official sequel** to Axed . Now with Broadway Musical parodies and new tasks for the Shinon Mercenaries to complete! As well as a new band of frequent villians!

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In the year 647 AD, the Crimean national hero, Ike, lost control of the famed Greil Mercenaries. Showing his blatant incompetence to his subordinates, Ike convinced them that he was unqualified for the role as the leader of the Greil Mercenaries. Shinon, the primary leader for the rebellion against Ike, succeeded in defeating Ike in the civil war between members of the Greil Mercenaries and their allies. Thus, when the dust settled, Shinon took control of the Greil Mercenaries, and renamed it with the immortal title as the Shinon Mecenaries!

In the days after Shinon's successful coup, Soren and Lethe, along with many of the other laguz and a few beorc heroes, left the Shinon Mercenaries to continue their lives elsewhere.

Chapter 1: Too Much Work

The Mercenary Fort has always stood for years. Ever since Greil forced Oscar, Boyd, Titania, Gatrie, Shinon, and (unfortunately) Rhys to build the Fort, it has stood through a seige, through Ike's sword practice, through Mist's laser blasts (as she trained with Ragell), and through constant bombardments after some intense drinking games...

"Shinon! We'll need more funds for our food supplies!" Titania announced one morning.

"What could have happened?" Shinon asked, still half asleep from last night's events.

"Due to your massive drinking spree with Gatrie and Tauroneo last night, we've drained our resources."

"Titania, dearest, are you certain that I had something to do with this?" Tauroneo yawned.

"Yes, honey, now be the honorable knight that you are and do your duty in finding a way for us to earn money." Titania replied.

"Well, we are a mercenary band, so we should start performing some tasks for people. That's our most obvious source of income."

"Aw, you think we should work?!" Shinon groaned at Tauroneo.

"Of course. Why do we call ourselves a Mercenary company if we aren't going to work?"

"But... But... Fine! Everyone, we're going to go to work!" Shinon exclaimed.

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An hour later, our heroes found themselves wandering about. An old lady walked up to them. "Sir... Sir! My kitten has been trapped in a tree. Can you help save it?" The old lady asked the Mercenaries.

"For how much?" Asked Shinon.

"What? Oh, thirty gold coins."

"Deal! Everyone, we're going to save that kitten!"

And so, the Shinon Mercenaries went to complete their first task: Saving an old lady's kitten.

Sure enough, the old lady wasn't lying. The kitten was sitting on a branch of a tall tree.

"Well, it's a tree, and I'm holding an axe, so I should cut the tree down." Boyd smiled, thinking that, for once, he had a good thought.

"Are you an idiot?!" Oscar shouted at his brother. "If we cut down the tree, the kitten might get crushed!"

So, for a good half an hour, the Shinon Mercenaries debated on how to save the kitten.

Then, a new recruit named Leonardo spoke up: "You know, we could just shoot the branch the kitten is sitting on. The branch will fall, and the kitten will hop on the ground. Once the kitten is on the ground, we've practically saved it."

"But won't you end up shooting the kitten?" Gatrie cocked his head to one side.

"Not if you aim properly." Leonardo replied.

"Ok, then, Leonardo, let's try your tactic... Um... I'm lazy, Leonardo, you do it!" Shinon ordered.

"Alright..." Leonardo aimed his bow, and was about to fire, when suddenly, a rock hit the back of his head.

"What the?" Leonardo turned around.

A group of kids appeared. A few were carrying slingshots, yet they were standing in the archer and sniper poses. Some kids were carrying short sticks, crabhammers, and long sticks. This group of kids approached the Shinon Mercenaries.

"Who are you?" Shinon demanded.

"We're the Bratty Bunch!" A kid holding a short stick replied.

"Awww..." Marcia squealed. "He's so cute!"

"I'm not cute, woman!"

"Woman?! Woman! You brat!" Marcia snarled as she twirled her lance.

"I think that was the point of their name..." Zihark sighed.

"As the Bratty Bunch, our horomones tell us not to let you save that kitten, and we must obey those horomones, right, guys?!" The leading brat asked.

"RIGHT!" The rest of the Bratty Bunch answered.

"Everyone, they're kids, albiet bratty. We can't kill them." Tauroneo spoke.

Every member of Shinon's party automatically learned the skill Discipline!

(Player Phase)

The Sninon Mercenaries began their attack on the Bratty Bunch. Many of these short kids were quickly knocked out, but the Bratty Bunch outnumbered the Shinon Mercenaries, so the battle would take a while.

(Partner Phase)

The kitten ran around on its branch, a bit worried now that it was still stuck.

(Enemy Phase)

The Bratty Bunch began their moves. Nine kids ran at Boyd with their crabhammers and short sticks and began to torture the poor fighter.

"I HATE KIDS!" Boyd began to burst into song. (1.)

"We hate kids... We hate kids... They're real pains... Real pains... I'd just wanna smack one on the 'ead... An' dropkick one to bed... I hate kids... We hate kids..." Shinon and Boyd were merrily singing.

The Bratty Bunch, quite annoyed with Shinon and Boyd being off key, raised their weapons and charged.

Boyd swung his axe at the kids, forcing them to step back. Shinon fired his arrows, taking them down one by one.

Finally, after a long and grueling battle, the Shinon Mercenaries defeated the Bratty Bunch, and Leonardo fired his arrow, allowing the kitten to safetly enter the old lady's hands.

"Here's your thirty coins..." The old lady handed Shinon the money.

"Cheap beer for everyone!" Shinon cheered.

"Oh no, you don't!" Titania snarled, her face contorting into a fearful sneer. "You have to give me that money, so that I can spend it on..."

"Drugs?" Stefan asked merrily. (2.)

"Sword powder?" Mia piped up.

"Arrows?" Asked Rolf.

"Makeup?" Mist inquired.

"Food?" Marcia asked inquisitively. She started to crawl close to Titania, with a slight drool from her mouth.

Titania slowly backed away from Marcia. "Yes, food."

"I love you!" Marcia darted forwards and grabbed Titania's right leg.

"Um, thanks..." Titania looked down at her uneasily.

"Food!" Ilyana squealed.

"Food!" Half of the men of the Shinon Mercenaries cheered.

"FUDZ!" Boyd laughed.

Everyone started staring at him.

"Um, food..." He looked around. The others turned and continued cheering.

Yes, food, the greatest of human pleasures, was what Titania was going to spend the money on.

And so, the Shinon Mercenaries completed their first job: saving an old lady's kitten. As their reward, they spent all their money again... So, they had to go do another task, but what kinds of tasks awaited them?

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1. My math teacher in ninth grade used to sing us this song as he watched us work. He'd take out a guitar, and sing: "I hate kids" in a country-style accent. It was funny, and, yet, considering we were kids, we weren't that appreciative of it... But, as I look back, it was quite funny!

2. Back then, crushing an herb and sniffing it would be considered a 'drug,' and such drugs would actually not have good effects on your body. To tell the truth, I always thought that Stefan was on drugs...

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	2. The Dawn Headache

Chapter 2: The Dawn Headache

The plains of Daein are quite beautiful in the spring, but one particular girl's voice can shatter the calm that normally comes with that beauty...

"Eddie, have you seen Leonardo?" Micaiah demanded on a fine spring morning.

"Um, yeah. He said he was going to the restroom." Eddie nodded.

"He's been missing for three weeks!" Micaiah screamed.

"Oh? Really... Um... That's what he said... Um... Yeah... A while ago..." Eddie stammered.

"GAH!" Micaiah groaned as she glared at the sky.

Noyce glanced at her: "Um, Micaiah, I'm the leader, aren't I? You don't have to get a heart attack over Leonardo's disappearence."

"Shut it!" Micaiah snarled. She began to mutter an incantation in heron language.

Noyce backed off: "Yes, ma'am... I don't want to feel your spells, ma'am... I'm backing off, ma'am!" Noyce muttered fearfully.

"Good boy." Micaiah smiled.

Laura and Brad exchanged glances: "Um, Micaiah?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't be so angry." Laura pleaded.

"How can't I be?! Leonardo's missing, that jerk! We need an archer to help fight against aerial units, but without Leonardo, we're going to have a hard time." Micaiah snarled.

Laura hid behind Brad: "Ok..." She mumbled.

And so, the Dawn Brigade went on their journey to find Leonardo...

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"Hector!"

"Yes, Lyn?"

"You've been steering the ship at so many rocks. It's only a matter of time before the scratches become holes and we sink!"

"But I'm a manly man. I know how to steer a ship, because sailors are the epitomy of manly men. We'll be fine, trust me..."

"Truth is, I don't..." Lyn shook her head.

Lyn sighed and grabbed onto the handle of the Sol Katti. It was a way of keeping her calm, especially when the going was tough. Now, with Hector steering to god knew where, her only real friends would be her blades. She had the Mani Katti sheathed on her right leg, and a Killing Edge on her back.

Hector continued to move the wheel aimlessly. His thoughts drifted to Lyn, then Florina, then Rebecca, then Serra... Oh, god no, Serra? Since when did he like Serra? Anyway, Hector continued to think about Lyn... The one... The girl who he had fallen for the moment he saw her...

So these two heroes of Elibe continued on their little journey to find new lands and new peoples. Of course, neither of them knew what friends or foes they would meet, but they knew that, no matter what, they had each other.

Or did they?

"Hector, if you can't steer this boat, then I'll do it for you!"

"Don't question my manliness, Lyn! You don't want to see me when I'm angry!"

Lyn began to back off: "True..." She thought. "He's nearly killed Florina scores of times with that axe of his..."

Hector watched her back off, and smiled: Now watch me prove my manliness!" He spun the wheel merrily, and caused the ship to lurch to the side. "Ahhh! Hector, you idiot!" Lyn screamed as she grabbed onto the railing.

"What did you call me?!" Hector growled back as the ship was finally able to regain its balance.

"Nothing... Noting..." Lyn nodded frantically.

"Sure..." Hector went back to steering the boat.

"Sigh... If only we had someone like Eliwood or Marcus to keep Hector in line..." Lyn sat on the deck and stared at the calm clouds far off in the distance...

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"So, Captain Shinon, it is imperative for us to regain our funds." Tauroneo spoke.

"Just simmer down, Tauroneo. I'm trying to find work for us, but I don't get it, why don't we have anyone trying to hire us? We're the Shinon Mercenaries, for crying out loud!" Shinon sighed.

"Well, maybe it's because we haven't told everyone that we're the successors to my father's mercenary band..." Mist sighed.

"But... But we're the same people!"

"But people aren't always that observant, Shinon..."

"Ok, then... Gatrie, Oscar, get to work!" Shinon ordered.

And thus, the Shinon Mercenaries, heirs to the Greil Mercenaries, began to post out flyers. Finally, people throughout the many villages of Crimea began to recognize them:

"Hey, it's that squinty eyed dude!" A villager yelled. More townspeople began to inquire on heroes that they recognized:

"And it's that red-haired girly guy archer!"

"And where's that gothic girl?"

Shinon sighed: "People think that I'm a girl because of my glorious long hair. What a shame..."

"Oh, oh, I have a job for you!" One random townsperson announced.

"Yeah?" Shinon jumped up like a wolf spotting a hunk of meat. Titania and the other high-ranking officers also showed interest.

"If you help me mow my lawn, I'll give you 50 coins..." The townsperson smiled.

"Mow the lawn?" Shinon thought to himself.

"Please don't accept that... We're good people, not servants..." Rhys smacked his face with his hand.

"Well... Ok, then..." Shinon sighed.

"Great!"

And so, the Shinon Mercenaries, desperate for money, had to mow some random person's lawn. Tauroneo moved around in his heavy armor, sighing to himself: "What have I done?"

"What have we done?" Titania groaned as she tried to mow the lawn on horseback.

"I was an honorable knight of Crimea, then I decided to be cordial and join the Shinon Mercenaries, but now, I HAVE TO MOW SOMEONE'S LAWN?! WHAT HAS BECOME OF US?!" Kieran yelled at Shinon.

"Shut it, I need beer." Shinon growled back.

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As they were mowing someone's lawn, the Bratty Bunch reappeared.

"Oh, it's you again." Leonardo greeted them.

"We're gonna kick your arses!" The head Batty Bunch kid yelled. He was carrying a thick wooden stick now.

"Don't you get it? We're professionals with steel weapons. Your wooden toys just won't cut it!" Shinon sighed.

"Yes, professionals who mow people's lawns for a living!" A brat laughed.

"YOU LITTLE!" Shinon twirled five arrows and fired in rapid succession. Children's screams echoed throughout the village.

Almost immediately, the Shinon Mercenaries were kicked out of the town.

"Look what you did! My back is sprained for nothing!" Rhys moaned.

"Oh, well, at least our honor is still intact... Somewhat..." Tauroneo sighed.

"Yes, but now we're recognized as child abusers..." Titania banged her head against a nearby tree.

"Better luck next time." Stefan nodded happily. He proceeded to crush some herbs and began to smell the greenish stains on his palms. "Ah..."

And so, the Shinon Mercenaries continued their march... To find a job!


	3. Lost

Chapter 3: Lost

"I sense that a terrible storm is brewing off the shore of Crimea... I see two people on a ship... A woman with green hair... And a man with a giant axe... I see them wrestling over control of the wheel... And the man shoves the woman aside... A tidal wave comes... And... And..."

"Uh, Micaiah, pass the beans, please." Eddie broke the soothsayer's concentration as she was having a vision. The Dawn Brigade was clustered around a little dinner table in an inn somewhere near the Daein/Crimean border.

"Eddie, you idiot! She was predicting the near future." Noyce snarled.

"Too late now." Micaiah sighed. "Now we'll never know if those two will need our services."

"Ah, well, it's not like we're poor or anything. I mean, we could easily afford this trip to Crimea." Brad spoke.

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"Hector, if you can't steer this ship, then I'll do it for you!"

"Quiet, Lyn. I need to take us to port."

"You're more likely to smash into one! Now let me take the wheel!"

"No."

"Hector, do you want to die?"

"Maybe."

"But I don't!" Lyn snarled as she rammed into Hector's muscular body with all her might.

However, it had no effect, and Hector calmly shoved Lyn aside.

At that moment, they heard a loud roaring noise. Lyn ran to the starboard side of the ship, and looked out to sea.

"Hector, it's a tidal wave, and it's coming right for us!"

"Then, as a manly man, I must have the ship go right through it."

"ARE YOU...?!" Her words were cut off as the ship was engulfed by the wave.

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Three days later, Shinon was counting their latest batch of coins.

"Well, after traveling for about five miles, we finally found our true calling, didn't we, guys?" He laughed.

"My... Back..." Tauroneo gasped as he dragged a large trash bag behind him.

"My... Arms..." Sothe groaned as he barely carried a rake.

"My... Dignity..." Kieran sighed as he wore a pretty maid's apron.

Shinon shushed at the three to be silent. "By having us take out the trash, rake people's lawns, and do maid services, we've gathered over 90 coins!" He merrily counted his money.

"Don't tell me you're still fantasizing over the beer you'll buy with them." Titania rolled her eyes.

"How did you know?" Shinon glanced at her, amazed.

"You do realize that we're going to have to do more ridiculous tasks, right?" Titania's eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, back when Ike was leader, we had some dignity!" Boyd yelled.

"Maybe we should never have betrayed Ike!" Gatrie snarled.

"I can be leader again?" The maid named Ike jumped up, his eyes gleaming with hope.

"Well, Shinon, do you have anything to say for yourself?" Leonardo glanced at the leader.

"I'm paying you, so shut up and take it. It's a stage everyone has to go through. That's life. It's tough sometimes, but eventually, nice things come along." Shinon snapped.

"What an amazing speech!" Mist began to clap her hands.

"With you as a sister, who needs a blood feud?" Ike glared at her.

"Did you say something, maid? Know your place!" Shinon growled.

"Yes, sir..." Ike curtsied.

At that moment, our heroes heard a loud crash behind them.

"Eh?" Ike turned around.

A large ship was smashed against the ground behind them.

"It must have been tossed this far... I remember hearing that, around this time, there tends to be massive waves at sea. These must be people from another area, otherwise they would have known to stay in port. What are you people standing there for? We'd better help them!" Titania scolded.

"You're right, as usual, Titania. Let's go." Shinon nodded.

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"Lyn..." A voice groaned in the remains of what was once one of Elibe's greatest ships.

"Yes, Hector?" Another voice growled.

"I feel like my manliness has been trampled upon."

"Can you shut it? We're practically left for dead. When we left Eliwood on Elibe, no one else knew we'd be coming here. It'll take our friends years to find us... Since we have no idea where the heck we are, we're going to have to depend on each other. If you could get that thick skull of yours to forget about your manliness for a few seconds and help both of us get out of here, then that would be real helpful."

"Did I make you mad?"

"YOU NEED TO ASK?!"

"Oh..."

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"I hear shouting. That means that they are alive." Zihark nodded.

"Then let us go to their aid. They're stranded, and many of us are natives here. We should be able to help them." Tauroneo added.

"Ok, then." Shinon shook his head and walked up to the ruins of the ship.

"Hey! HEY!" Boyd yelled.

"They speak English. We're saved!" Lyn cheered.

"How many of you are there?" Oscar shouted.

"Two of us... Well, one and three quarters. The other's a body without brains." Lyn called back.

"Oh..." Boyd nodded.

Titania shouted and began to hack at the side of the boat with her axe. Mist, Zihark, Mia, Stefan, and the sword wielders helped with their blades. Once they succeeded in stabbing holes, the lance users pushed their lances through the holes and helped widen them. With this team effort, the ship finally had a huge gap in it, allowing Hector and Lyn to escape.

"Thank you so much!" Lyn smiled. "We've come a long way, you see, and I thought we'd both be left for dead."

"Yeah... Thanks... Is that beer?" Hector turned to what was left of Shinon's beer stash.

"Yep. You want some?" Shinon studied Hector's eyes carefully.

"You bet."

"Whatever, man. Just help me find more later and you can take a bottle."

"Sure thing."

Lyn smacked her forehead with her hand. Titania did the same.

"Hey, man, you got some big muscles there." Boyd nodded thoughfully.

"Thanks, they're bigger than yours, though." Hector smirked.

"Oh, heck no they aren't!" Boyd snarled.

"Yeah? Prove your worth, scrawny!"

"I'll make you sterile, punk!"

And so, to prove their respective manliness, Hector and Boyd began to bash each other senseless.

Suddenly, a deep bass voice began to burst into song:

_"Where is the life that once I led?_

_Where is it now? Totally dead._

_Where is the fun I used to find?_

_Where has it gone? Gone with the wind._

_The marriage game is quite all right,_

_Yes, during the day_

_It's easy to play_

_But, oh, what a bore at night,_

_So I repeat what first I said_

_Where is the life that once I led?"_ (1.)

When Tauroneo finished singing, Hector and Boyd could not stop staring at him.

"I would join you, young ones, but I think that my wife would heavily object to me doing so." Tauroneo sighed.

"You bet I would." Titania glared at him.

"Wow, the old man can actually sing..." Mist thought as she looked at Tauroneo.

"So that man is your husband?" Lyn asked Titania.

Titania sighed: "Yes, though he is quite an idiot once in a while."

"Better than having a leach-like partner who is an idiot almost all the time." Lyn shook her head.

"So we're partners?!" Hector yelped happily.

"FRIENDS!" Lyn growled back.

"Right... Friends..." Hector slowly backed away.

"Well, Hector, Lyn, I see that you two are skilled weapon users. Hector, would you like to help us smash things with your axe? And Lyn, how would you like to use your swords and bows to good use?" Shinon smirked and cocked his head to one side.

"Very well, we'll help you. It's better to stick in a group then be alone..." Lyn sighed.

"Ok." Hector nodded.

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"Micaiah, where the heck are we?" Noyce turned to the young soothsayer.

"Just keep on following me!" Micaiah snapped.

"Follow you? But we've been walking around in circles!" Brad complained.

"Do you want me to cast Shine on you?"

"Um, no, but you should listen..."

Micaiah began to mutter heron language before Brad could finish his sentence.

"Fine, you win..." Brad sighed.

Micaiah smiled, and the Dawn Brigade continued to walk around in circles.

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1. Note: This is not a parody. This is the song "Where is the life that once I led?" from the Broadway Musical: 'Kiss Me Kate.' All rights are reserved.


	4. Abnormal

Author's note: Please note that I never played FE 7, and FE 10 has not yet come out as of this writing. Therefore, could you please be more lenient if I am not canon? Also, I have recently realized that Nolan is actually Noyce, so I have changed the previous chapters accordingly. Thank you, Serenes Forest!

Chapter 4: Ab-normal

The Shinon Mercenaries found themselves wandering through Port Toha, looking for a reliable job that would actually pay them more than 9 coins an hour.

"Hey, you." A voice called.

Shinon's ears perked up.

"Yeah, you. There are bandits in the hills to the north of the town. They make it impossible for us to go north. If you could help take 'em down, we might actually start taking you guys seriously." The voice spoke again.

"You will? Then we'll do it! C'mon guys, we'll get our dignity back!" Shinon marched proudly. Sighing, the rest of the Mercenaries followed him.

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"Hector and Lyn have been missing for too long. We will have to search for them." Eliwood announced.

Serra, Kent, Sain, their tactician Mark, Marcus, Wallace, and a large number of their comrades stood beside Eliwood as he began to rant on and on about saving the two lords.

"Why do we even bother?" Serra sighed.

"I know! I could be looking for some hotties right now!" Sain sighed.

Kent smacked his face with his hand in frustration.

"Guys, stop it. Eliwood is right. It's not right for us to abandon those two." Mark sighed.

"See? Even Mark agrees with me. Onward, people! We shall move forward to save Hector and Lyn!"

As they marched, Eliwood's band began to burst into song:

"_We're off to find the Hector, The Wonderful Hector of Elibe  
You'll find that he is a man of a man, if ever a man there was!  
If ever oh ever a Manly Man, that brute is one because because...  
Because, because, because, because, because...  
Because of the ridiculous things he does.  
We're off to find that Hector, that Lovable Blockhead we know!_" (1.)

----------------

After wandering around in circles for a few hours, the Dawn Brigade finally snapped out of it. Now, they had entered deep into Crimea in search of Leonardo. As they were strolling forward, however, they were suddenly attacked by a group of bandits.

"Hey hey, missy. why don't you be a good girl and give Daddy some lovin'?" One of the bandits snickered as he approached Micaiah.

"Shine!" Micaiah yelled. The spell rammed into the bandit, and he screamed in pain. "My eyes... They burn! I can't see!" The bandit groaned.

Noyce was having trouble fighting against three bandit myrmidons. Eddie and Brad were fighting off twelve enemy bandits and bandit myrmidons, but their axes and swords were giving them a hard time. Laura spent her time healing Brad, but completely ignored Eddie, so, eventually, Eddie went down.

"Eddie!" Laura and Micaiah screamed.

( The song 'A Fallen Comrade' from FE 9 begins to play)

"Micaiah... If only I asked you... To bake me more cookies... Oh..." Eddie groaned as he fell on the ground.

"What... Sniff... Moving last words... Sniff..." Laura's eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry, Micaiah... I... Have Brad... But you lost Eddie..."

"Are you kidding me?!" Micaiah yelled at her.

Eddie started to snore, and Laura was surprised, but she smiled: "At least he's alive."

"But he's still useless, not that he ever was particularly useful..." Micaiah sighed.

"Could I get some help here?!" Brad shouted.

"Oh, right..." Micaiah and Laura rushed to his aid.

------------

The Shinon Mercenaries soon arrived at the scene, and found the Dawn Brigade doing their job for them.

"Hey, you guys wanna join us?!" Shinon shouted at Noyce.

"Micaiah!" Sothe yelled at her.

"Sothe!" Micaiah gasped with joy.

"Micaiah?" Leonardo gasped.

Micaiah hugged Sothe, but as she was doing so, she was also muttering a spell in Heron language.

"Um, hi, Micaiah..." Leonardo smiled, with a sweatdrop running down his spine.

"Shine!" Micaiah screamed.

Leonardo howled in pain, and began running frantically in circles. Micaiah continued to chase him down, casting multiple spells at him.

Shinon did not need to order the mercenaries to attack. They just did. They madly swung their weapons at the bandits, cutting down the survivors who were not taken out by the Dawn Brigade. After the battle, Sothe and Leonardo defected from the Shinon Mercenaries, and the Dawn Brigade, fully reunited once more, headed back for Daein.

Meanwhile, far in the distance, Eliwood's fleet of ships braved the waves, hoping to reunite with Hector and Lyn as soon as possible.

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1. I think the parody is pretty obvious. Had I not included characters from FE 7, I probably would have made a varation of this, directed at Boyd, of course. :)


	5. Brawl!

Chapter 5: Brawl! (1.)

The Shinon Mercenaries were proudly heading back to Port Toha. Little did they know, the Bratty Bunch was watching their every move. With two of their officers gone, the Shinon Mercenaries were even weaker, giving the Bratty Bunch a sharper edge against them.

The Mercenaries got their money from the nameless villager, and as they began to head back East towards their traditional Fort, the Bratty Bunch attacked!

"It's you again!" Shinon groaned when he saw their leader.

"Yep, and this time, we have things that hurt!" The Bratty bunch leader laughed. His minions grabbed rocks, machettes, hatchets, woodman's axes, and metal poles, and prepared themselves for battle.

As the Shinon Mercenaries prepared to attack the Bratty Bunch, another group of villians appeared: the Bandits that they were just fighting. "My men couldn't have lost to a bunch of losers like you! Let's have a remach, scumbags!" Their leader challenged.

The Shinon Mercenaries were now attacked on two fronts, and they prepared for battle.

Howls of pain filled the skies as the three armies fought. Kieran fell to the ground, clutching his bladder, while several of the Bratty Bunch were taken down by Boyd's axe. The Bandits were a much greater threat than the Bratty Bunch. One of them nearly impaled Nepheene in the chest with his sword, had Mia and Zihark not swiftly attacked them with Astra. The battle was harsh, and warriors from all three sides began to fall. Shinon began to doubt his Mercenaries, fearing that they would lose, when all of a sudden, hope arrived.

"Lyndis! I'm coming to save you!" Eliwood yelled.

"See? He never cared about Hector in the first place." Serra smirked.

And so, Eliwood and Shinon joined forces, fighting off the enemy troops. After a long, drawn-out fight, their united troops won over the Bratty Bunch and the Bandits. These forces scattered for their dear lives.

In the hours after the victory, Eliwood and Shinon celebrated their victory with a huge party. Wallace, Hector, Shinon, and Boyd had a four-way competition on who could drink the most beer. Tauroneo had wanted to join, but forced himself not to for Titania's sake. Soon, Boyd passed out, and Titania had Gatrie drag him out of the room. What Shinon did not notice that, soon, he was the only Mercenary left with Eliwood's gang.

By the time Shinon came to his senses, he found himself without any of his subordinates. Sighing, he realized that Titania had gathered them to leave. Shinon, so obssessed with beer, proved a worse leader than Ike. Therefore, Shinon had to go. Turning towards Eliwood, who was already telling his troops to get back on their ships, Shinon asked: "Mind if I tag along?"

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Sure enough, Titania did abandon Shinon. She had everyone go back to the Fort, with Mist joining her. Now forced to be a widow, Mist realized that she had to get married again in order to, well, be satisfied. So, she began talking with Rolf, who reminded her that he was castrated. Thus, Mist decided to go with Boyd, and thus, Boyd and Mist were now fiancees. (2.)

Titania decided to choose the new leader, and everyone was wondering who she chose.

Would it be herself? No.

Ike again? No.  
l  
Boyd? Ashera no.

Mist? Yune no.

Thus, who would be the new leader of the Mercenaries?

After weeks of decision, Titania had her answer.

Her choice was valid, and, for decades, the Rhys Mercenaries continued the valiant tradition of the Greil Mercenaries. These brave veterans could finally march into battle, with Rhys at their head, whacking foes to the left and right with his deadly stave. Never again would that 'innocent' Bishop be underestimated by his comrades. Rhys was a fine warrior indeed!

The moral of the story? There is none.

Thank you for reading!

Fin

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1. Note: This is not shameless advertising for Super Smash Brothers Brawl, coming out soon, where Sonic can Pwn Mario 365 times in one day!

2. Too bad I can't put an accent mark over the second 'e'. Furthermore, Mist is such a harlot, isn't she? 


End file.
